Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Useless Super Powers

Since the beginning (don't ask the beginning of what, it is just the beginning) humans have thought about the super powers they would like to have. Invisibility, super strength, mind-reading, the power to fly, to see the future, all those fantastic amazing super powers. But we regular humans (those of us you have not reached a higher evolutionary state, been mutated by radiation, been bitten by genetically altered spiders, or who do not have mysterious origins linked to another planet) are left to dream about the powers we would like to have.
I have a theory. The Useless Super Power Theory. This theory upholds the belief that everyone is super. This does not mean that 'everyone is special'. No, it is the belief that everyone has a power. These powers do not merit a colorful spandex costume with a mask and will not help the possessor to save the world (or even a small town).
There are certain rules to the powers that fall in to this theory. 1) The person who holds the useless power can not control it. They can not be turned on or off at will. It is just a power that happens (maybe it is in the genetics, embedded into the being). And because they can not control it, they often ignore or do not realize their power. 2) Just because it is called a 'useless' super power, does not mean that the power has to be useless to the power-holder.
Useless super powers I have come in contact with include: the inability to approach a traffic light with out it turning yellow (that one is pretty useless all of the time), to know instinctively when to pick up the phone because they are about to text message before it has arrived (does not mean every time they pick up the phone they have a text message. Not one of those people), the power to make any situation awkward (not one I appreciate most of the time), the power to know when a pizza delivery is occurring in the neighborhood (even if he is not the one ordering pizza), the ability to bash your head against anything without breaking or fracturing the skull (Including a time when he knocked himself out accidentally with an aluminum bat. This is an example of a useful useless super power.), and the ability to shriek at high inhuman pitch (possibly the origin of the Banshee myths. They could have just been girls with a useless super power.)
And finally, after years of searching for my own useless super power, I have found it! My useless super power is the ability to wake up exactly one minute before my alarm goes off. It sucks! You have to understand that I do not wake up at the same time every day. I have five different alarms set on my phone and I use them all weekly, because I have to be up at different times for different classes and activities every day. So this is not a conditional thing that my body has gotten used to over time. It is not like I set my alarm for 6:30 every morning and wake up at 6:29. No, every day is different. But every day, if the alarm is set, I wake up one minute before it goes off. What a stupid useless super power I ended up with! I would rather have that one minute of sleep then to wake up and look to see I have to get up and it is not worth trying to go back to sleep to catch that one minute. The point of setting an alarm is to wake up to it. Not to wake up before it. I set my alarm to go off at the latest moment possible so I can get the most sleep. And I still am losing a minute of it!
But now you say "Well that is good. Doesn't that mean you wake up when you have to even if you don't set the alarm?" Good question, but the answer is no. If i forget to set my alarm I do not still wake up in time. Nope, I sleep past what I was waking up for, often missing it completely. My power only works when the alarm is set.
So yay, I found my useless power. And it doesn't get much more useless than that.
What useless or uncool super power do you have? Give it a good think and post in the comments. Also feel free to write the awesome super power you would like to have or would trade your useless power for.
Useless Powers Unite!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Cleaning Up

Life has periods of getting rid of stuff. Honestly, I have never been good at these moments. I am a retainer. I hold on to things because I am afraid of forgetting them. I have what I call 'the memory box', which is a real lock box in my room that contains old movie and exhibit tickets, things I drew years ago, notes passed to a friend, and even an old ring given to me in the fourth grade.
In my head I also have a memory box. It is full of things people once said or did, my own mistakes, old emotions, and a lot of troubles. I have never been able to let go of these things, both tangible and intangible.
Over the years there have been 'cleaning out' periods. Times where I let one or two pieces of old paper flutter to the garbage can, or forgiven a mistake once made. These cleaning out times are small and many things are kept, unable to be parted with.
I find myself in another cleaning out period. This one is different though. It is not a trickle, it is a massive unloading.
The things I have been holding on to for years are weighting me down. Like the ghost of Robert Marely in A Christmas Carol is weighed down and dragged to hell by the chains of his actions. Some of the actions, thoughts, messages, feelings, and even people I have kept around are holding me back from being happy and successful. And I am cleaning them out.
Some if these cleansing actions have been: deleting people from my facebook account, throwing away things given to me, deleting numbers from my phone, and ending friendships face to face. It has been hard, very hard, to do. And it hurts to let most of it go, but if I am going to move on it hast to go. I can't hold on to everything. It is affecting my relationships with good people, my grades in school, and my health.
Many people have, unknowingly, helped me out with the 'starting over'. I hung out with one person who told me that I wasn't making a mistake. They told me that I wasn't being the bad guy (not in so many words). It is amazing how much better that made me feel, finally being told that I was doing th right thing after being told so many times that I was being a horrible person. A visit from an old friend made me realize, I have been surrounding myself with people not up to my old standards of friends. I had dropped some of my values and qualities and lost myself in a lower caliber. And a boy has made me feel so loved and wonderful that past heartaches and harsh words seem to be melting away (Sappy I know. I'll keep it to a minimum, but it is still true.)
I have good things and good people around me. And if I do not let go of other things, the good things will slip away from me.
So old things are being forgotten or chucked into the garbage. New things, things that improve me, are taking their places. And although there might not be as many good and new things on the mental shelves and in the new box, they are certainly better things and there is more room for the future.
Then there are the old constant things. People and memories who have survived the tests of time. The good things I already had, have always had, but couldn't see. Those things are precious.
Here is to the new crossroad I have come to in my life. To making a good decision, to letting things go, and for a change for the better.
Life is full of comings and partings. Some of these partings should have come a lot sooner. I'm glad I received this opportunity to finally be rid of them. The future is looking roomy and bright. Now onward!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Art of Laundry

I am a child of the modern age. And as such there are many things I have never had to do. I did not realize how much I did not know how to do.
I had always heard tell of the ancient techniques of drying things. I do remember a time when drying the dishes meant that you took a dish towel and wiped the water off. But one technique I have never had to use is the art of 'hanging things out to dry'. I have never seen a clothes line, I have only seen and held a clothes pin for bizarre art projects, and I never experienced joy in wind power. Those things have not changed.
What happened is, my roommate had left her clothes in the wash, and I really needed to do laundry. REALLY needed to do laundry. I put her clothes in the dryer for her and started it, knowing she was busy and wouldn't be home until very late. Then I put my clothes in the washer and started the cycle. There wasn't any problem with this part of the experience. It was when both machines were finished that the confusion began.
I waited for the clothes in both loads to finish, and then stood in front of the laundry room for awhile. I have been known to fold my roommates clothes and leave them on the dryer for them, but I didn't feel like being that nice. I also didn't feel mean or grumpy enough to just dump them on the table or dryer unfolded in a heap. So I got this brilliant idea to take the clothes I needed for the next day and just let them air dry. Turned out to be not the most brilliant idea.
The shirts were easy, I hung them on hangers and let them hang from my bed. It got more difficult for socks and under things. I used hangers for them too, often having to fold something in half over the hanger. Wet clothes hung from every where, and every thing in my room. I climbed into bed feeling confident at my solution to my clothes drying problem.
In the morning things went wrong.
The clothes left in folds on the hangers were still damp in places. And the wonderfully just laundered feeling and freshness I know, I found is a machine-made comfort, and a hideous lie in old movies. Towels do not dry soft and fluffy without a dryer. Shirts end up stiff and rough and I have never hated wearing socks more until I put on these stiff sleeves for my feet. My clothing was uncomfortable! I could hardly stand to wear them.
With a little wear they got a little better. But now I know that a dryer is one of the best inventions and is god-sent.
There was only one thing to do. I took the rest of my clothes off the hangers I had used to dry them, looked at the folds and wrinkles pressed in them, and took them back to the wash, giving them the proper pampering through the dryer that they and I both deserve.
What other modern convenience do we take for granted? And could we be happy and comfortable with out them?
Sounds like it is time for an experiment. What should I explore?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Beatings, Harassment, and Headaches.

So, quite frankly, today has been one of those days. You know, the kind where you're only half awake, stressed, frazzled, and low on time.
My day started with a fist fight.
I woke up and took a shower at the ridiculous time in the morning of 6:00am. I had to get ready for class. Things were normal. I was tired. I get out of the shower, put on my bathrobe and return to my room, where I am frontally assaulted by a tall figure. That's right, I was attacked in my bedroom while I was nearly naked. But don't worry. I kicked butt...well...helium.
That's right my attacker was a balloon. Remember that sweet post I wrote about Valentine's Day and my dad buying my mom roses? And every year he gets me a balloon and chocolate? This year I got my balloon and it is still alive and floating. I have kept it in my room pinned to my clothes hamper, but this morning it got loose. The balloon suffered very little damage (Not sure how I feel about this. What does it say about my fighting? Or does it comment on balloon resistance?)and is now more firmly affixed to my bed at ceiling height to avoid further scares and conflicts.
But that is not all that happened today. Oh no! Next came my accidental harassment of a bum. I was walking home from school and my neighborhood is not high-brow, but it isn't the slums either. But on my brief journey home there are these two guys leaning against a wall. One smiles and stops me and utters a guttural string of undecipherable symbolic sounds. I didn't understand him so I asked him to repeat his question. He looks terribly confused at me, not expecting this and says (this is a phonetic spelling, please bare with me) "Doo ye-ah ave sooom chieanges?' Again I didn't understand him so I so articulately asked "What?" again. He looks at me, like I am the one who must be mentally slow and asked 'Do you have some change?' The whole thing was still very slurred but I finally understood what he was asking. I started laughing, probably looking like a total maniac. I quickly said 'no' and walked on, noting that the two bums were looking after me like I was an escaped mental patient.
And to cap this interesting and exhausting day, where I appear to be not all there in the head, I got a migraine that knocked me on my butt. When the world starts turning crazy stripped colors, you have no equilibrium, and whispers start to sound like screams, it is time to slow down. But I don't have the time to slow down. In fact, I still had a meeting to go to. So, after laying down in the dark for as long as possible I end up in my council meeting clutching a Coke full of caffeine as my life source. I don't think anything was harder than that loudly sung opening hymn sitting next to the most exuberant singer in the room.
Oh what a fun life this is. Crazy stuff. I hope it will be sometime before I have another day like this one.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Photo Blog

In my blog post 'Older Siblings' I posted 2 photos. I now know how to put pictures into my blog! This probably will not happen often, since this is a writing blog, but I see no harm in having just one photo full blog. So this blog is a picture dedication to past events.

Safari Night: Safari Nigh is a night where we take every ficus we can get our hands on and convert my condo into a small jungle. There is an open fire BBQ, a jungle movie, and finally hunting hundreds of balloon animals in our fake mini jungle.







Zombie Walk: Every year around Halloween, Las Vegas hosts a zombie walk. Thousands f people dress up as zombies, meet up at the Luxor at 7:00pm and have a zombie procession from the Luxor to Fremont Street.




Swipe Uses: Freshman at UNLV are required to have a campus meal plan, where they have an allotment of dining dollars (to eat anywhere on campus) and a number of free swipes into the school dining commons. Many freshman over purchase on their meal plans. We have come up with a solution to this problem; get everyone we know together at the end of semester and have a dinner party to use your friend's swipes.



Strip Trips: Every once in awhile you find that one strange person who has never been to the Las Vegas Strip. This must be remedied!! And being a native Las Vegan, I am the person to fix this. Take 'em out for a (clean) night on the town.









Killing off friends: In addition to killing my friends for zombie night, there are certain projects that also require my friends' deaths. These are from a project on Hamlet I had to do. I asked my friends to come over to play the characters and we played out the death scenes of the Hamlet characters.





So yeah, that's what happens around here. There will probably be more dedications to the past. This was fun. Going through all my albums and looking at the fun times with all my friends. Great times guys!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Communication Error

For being a person obsessed with words and language, I have no idea how to effectively communicate. I fail to express my thoughts and ideas clearly when speaking. I can not describe things in detail to another person and have them get the same picture, I have to construct my facial expressions in my head before displaying them on my face to give people the right emotion, forget it if you want me to show or connect with certain emotions, and I have no understanding of how to balance things in my life.
Recently, I have encountered many problems with my communication. The biggest one is that I do not do it. And I admit, I have been ignoring people lately. I want everyone to understand that I am not doing this on purpose. My roommates feel like I am abandoning them because I am never home. I am sorry guys, that is not it at all. I have one friend who thinks I have left him and only want him around when it is convenient for me. This is not the case either. The problem is I can not balance things out. I get focused on other things, mostly on projects that I am doing.
Many of my friends know that when I am focused on something you can not divert my focus. It happens when I am reading a book and no one can get my attention, it happens when I am typing a paper and do not see anything pass my computer screen, and it happens when there is a big project or stress in my life because all my attention goes to that project or obsession.
Ok, so now I recognize the problem and have dug myself into a pretty deep hole. What do I do to fix it?
I am not exactly sure. First of all I feel I need to apologize. I am truly sorry that I have not been there for you and that you feel ignored. I want you in my life more than you will probably ever know, and definitely more than I can express with any of the words I cherish so much. I am working on getting better at communication and expression. Next I know I have to prove myself. Its my turn to put out the effort and prove that I do want you around no matter what. I am not sure how I am going to do that yet. But I hope that you will allow me to try and to please forgive me for my offense.
I love you dearly and I am willing to do anything to try and make you happy. I do want you in my life and I want to be a part of yours. I am so sorry I don't know how to express that to you. Please help and forgive me.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Valentine's Day Memories

Every year on Valentines Day, I would wake up to find a rose and a balloon in my bedroom from my father. My brothers and sister would wake to find the same, and then my sister and I would run to look at all the roses that he had gotten my mother. The roses would be different every year, barely ever being the standard 12 red that everyone gets. I love seeing those roses and can not wait to hear about them when I call my mom on Valentine's Day tomorrow. Yes, my dad still does it. And even now that I'm all grown up, when tomorrow dawns (Valentine's Day), I will miss not having a rose and balloon from my dad.
My dad wasn't always so smooth on V-day. Oh no! His first Valentine's Day with my mom he showed up with a heart shaped box of cheap chocolate, you know the kind you find everywhere on Valentine's Day (not that they can't be fun sometimes, and I like them). Mom is a chocolatier, a chocolate snob. Mom ended up writing what came to be known as "The Chocolate Bible" and she made one travel sized to go in my dad's wallet. After that, he gave a lot more thought to his Valentine's gifts and went with his new knowledge about finer chocolate and my mom's favorite flower, the rose.
When I came along, I was my daddy's little Valentine. I got a single rose (the first one was just like my mommy's) and a balloon. I received the same up until I moved out and I got to see my mom's dozen beautiful roses.
Good memories.
Valentine's Day changed a lot as I grew up. I've had bunches of heart shaped boxes full of chocolate, flowers, and boys a-plenty (usually odd-balls) vying to be my Valentine. But every year my single rose and balloon would be the first thing I'd see. From my first ever Valentine; my dad.