For being a person obsessed with words and language, I have no idea how to effectively communicate. I fail to express my thoughts and ideas clearly when speaking. I can not describe things in detail to another person and have them get the same picture, I have to construct my facial expressions in my head before displaying them on my face to give people the right emotion, forget it if you want me to show or connect with certain emotions, and I have no understanding of how to balance things in my life.
Recently, I have encountered many problems with my communication. The biggest one is that I do not do it. And I admit, I have been ignoring people lately. I want everyone to understand that I am not doing this on purpose. My roommates feel like I am abandoning them because I am never home. I am sorry guys, that is not it at all. I have one friend who thinks I have left him and only want him around when it is convenient for me. This is not the case either. The problem is I can not balance things out. I get focused on other things, mostly on projects that I am doing.
Many of my friends know that when I am focused on something you can not divert my focus. It happens when I am reading a book and no one can get my attention, it happens when I am typing a paper and do not see anything pass my computer screen, and it happens when there is a big project or stress in my life because all my attention goes to that project or obsession.
Ok, so now I recognize the problem and have dug myself into a pretty deep hole. What do I do to fix it?
I am not exactly sure. First of all I feel I need to apologize. I am truly sorry that I have not been there for you and that you feel ignored. I want you in my life more than you will probably ever know, and definitely more than I can express with any of the words I cherish so much. I am working on getting better at communication and expression. Next I know I have to prove myself. Its my turn to put out the effort and prove that I do want you around no matter what. I am not sure how I am going to do that yet. But I hope that you will allow me to try and to please forgive me for my offense.
I love you dearly and I am willing to do anything to try and make you happy. I do want you in my life and I want to be a part of yours. I am so sorry I don't know how to express that to you. Please help and forgive me.
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