Family Ties

What makes an older sibling?

Meet Ryan Efros
and Melissa Hellewell
my older siblings.
Ok, not biologically. Technically, I am the oldest of four in the Carilli Family. But over the years my family and I have adopted and been adopted by certain people as family members, forming the Carilli Clan.
These non-blood relatives are as much my family as my blood relations. Some I consider closer than blood. They are often referred to as my 'other' or 'extra' family, but there is nothing extra about them. They are my family. In 21 years of gathering The Clan, I have only had two 'older siblings'.
In the dynamic of The Clan (or 'other family') actual age is not a factor. Being older does not make you an older sibling. Many of my 'other' siblings are older than me, but I still play the role of the older sibling. Your role in The Clan is governed mostly by personality and mind sets. I am just cast as the older sister, and I don't have a problem with that. It is just the way it is.
Being the oldest of four, I've never really wanted an older sibling. Not for any real reason, but because I am the oldest and there isn't anything I can do about it. That ship has simply sailed. But now I have two, Ryan and Melissa.
Ryan and I met just after I moved out of my parent's house. I was fine, a little alone and by myself, but I was doing alright. Ryan was my hometeacher from church and kept worming his way into my life. Really I wasn't excited about having a stranger from church in my life and battled against him. Ryan really worked hard to pull me out of my house and introduced me to everyone he knew. He included me and eventually I was thankful. Over time and through (what seemed like at the time) disasters, we became close friends and from there we started referring to each other as brother and sister. Ryan has helped guide me through some tough times, and has supported me in the good things and has called me out when I know I'm messing up. We've had our spats and disagreements, we've been on adventures, and had some great (interesting) times. Despite sometimes not seeing eye to eye on occasion, I know if I ever needed Ryan he would be there for me and I will be there for him if he needs me (probably not going to happen now that he has a wonderful wife but still I'm there). That is what family does. I know I needed to have Ryan as an older brother and to take a turn as a younger sibling. Without him the past 3 years would have been much harder.
Melissa and I also met in my ward, but we didn't start talking until after she pulled me into her group at a dance we both attended. She rescued me from a gentleman of questionable character who wanted to dance with me. WE hung out after that a couple of times and I invited her to Sunday dinner at my parent's house. She fit right in with the family. After that she was my sister and one of my mother's 'extra' daughters. I know I can tell Melissa anything without her judging me, but also know that she'll let me know what she thinks about my actions. I value her opinion and advice (even when I don't want to face facts or hear I'm doing wrong). It was really difficult for me when she found out she would be moving away to another state. But now I know that even though we are out of reach, it doesn't mean we have to be out of touch. My family and I have visited her at her new home, and it makes us all happy when she sets aside time to come home when she is in town.
These are my older siblings. I think what makes them 'older siblings' in the dynamic of The Clan, is that I respect them and look up to them. Maybe that is all it takes to be a true 'older sibling'. What ever it is I'm glad to have them both as part of my family, and to take my turn as a younger sister. Although, I hope to not have too many older siblings as the Carilli Clan continues to grow with new brothers, sisters, parents, and even grandparents. Two is enough.
Love you guys!

Ps. I would also like to shout out to more of those who make up my family and The Clan. To my sisters: Jasmine, Susie, Amanda, Kylee, Laurel, and my twin Maggie. To my brothers: John, Anthony, Mick, Chuck, and Chris. To my parents: Janet, Jhon (yes it is spelled right, that is my dad), Dennis, Toni, Dedee, Lana, Alan, and Margret. To my aunts and uncles: Scott, Connie, Mike, and Coral. And to my grandparents: Grandpa Kerr, Grandma Caroline, and Grandpa Bill. I love you all so much and are happy to call you family!