Since the beginning (don't ask the beginning of what, it is just the beginning) humans have thought about the super powers they would like to have. Invisibility, super strength, mind-reading, the power to fly, to see the future, all those fantastic amazing super powers. But we regular humans (those of us you have not reached a higher evolutionary state, been mutated by radiation, been bitten by genetically altered spiders, or who do not have mysterious origins linked to another planet) are left to dream about the powers we would like to have.
I have a theory. The Useless Super Power Theory. This theory upholds the belief that everyone is super. This does not mean that 'everyone is special'. No, it is the belief that everyone has a power. These powers do not merit a colorful spandex costume with a mask and will not help the possessor to save the world (or even a small town).
There are certain rules to the powers that fall in to this theory. 1) The person who holds the useless power can not control it. They can not be turned on or off at will. It is just a power that happens (maybe it is in the genetics, embedded into the being). And because they can not control it, they often ignore or do not realize their power. 2) Just because it is called a 'useless' super power, does not mean that the power has to be useless to the power-holder.
Useless super powers I have come in contact with include: the inability to approach a traffic light with out it turning yellow (that one is pretty useless all of the time), to know instinctively when to pick up the phone because they are about to text message before it has arrived (does not mean every time they pick up the phone they have a text message. Not one of those people), the power to make any situation awkward (not one I appreciate most of the time), the power to know when a pizza delivery is occurring in the neighborhood (even if he is not the one ordering pizza), the ability to bash your head against anything without breaking or fracturing the skull (Including a time when he knocked himself out accidentally with an aluminum bat. This is an example of a useful useless super power.), and the ability to shriek at high inhuman pitch (possibly the origin of the Banshee myths. They could have just been girls with a useless super power.)
And finally, after years of searching for my own useless super power, I have found it! My useless super power is the ability to wake up exactly one minute before my alarm goes off. It sucks! You have to understand that I do not wake up at the same time every day. I have five different alarms set on my phone and I use them all weekly, because I have to be up at different times for different classes and activities every day. So this is not a conditional thing that my body has gotten used to over time. It is not like I set my alarm for 6:30 every morning and wake up at 6:29. No, every day is different. But every day, if the alarm is set, I wake up one minute before it goes off. What a stupid useless super power I ended up with! I would rather have that one minute of sleep then to wake up and look to see I have to get up and it is not worth trying to go back to sleep to catch that one minute. The point of setting an alarm is to wake up to it. Not to wake up before it. I set my alarm to go off at the latest moment possible so I can get the most sleep. And I still am losing a minute of it!
But now you say "Well that is good. Doesn't that mean you wake up when you have to even if you don't set the alarm?" Good question, but the answer is no. If i forget to set my alarm I do not still wake up in time. Nope, I sleep past what I was waking up for, often missing it completely. My power only works when the alarm is set.
So yay, I found my useless power. And it doesn't get much more useless than that.
What useless or uncool super power do you have? Give it a good think and post in the comments. Also feel free to write the awesome super power you would like to have or would trade your useless power for.
Useless Powers Unite!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Cleaning Up
Life has periods of getting rid of stuff. Honestly, I have never been good at these moments. I am a retainer. I hold on to things because I am afraid of forgetting them. I have what I call 'the memory box', which is a real lock box in my room that contains old movie and exhibit tickets, things I drew years ago, notes passed to a friend, and even an old ring given to me in the fourth grade.
In my head I also have a memory box. It is full of things people once said or did, my own mistakes, old emotions, and a lot of troubles. I have never been able to let go of these things, both tangible and intangible.
Over the years there have been 'cleaning out' periods. Times where I let one or two pieces of old paper flutter to the garbage can, or forgiven a mistake once made. These cleaning out times are small and many things are kept, unable to be parted with.
I find myself in another cleaning out period. This one is different though. It is not a trickle, it is a massive unloading.
The things I have been holding on to for years are weighting me down. Like the ghost of Robert Marely in A Christmas Carol is weighed down and dragged to hell by the chains of his actions. Some of the actions, thoughts, messages, feelings, and even people I have kept around are holding me back from being happy and successful. And I am cleaning them out.
Some if these cleansing actions have been: deleting people from my facebook account, throwing away things given to me, deleting numbers from my phone, and ending friendships face to face. It has been hard, very hard, to do. And it hurts to let most of it go, but if I am going to move on it hast to go. I can't hold on to everything. It is affecting my relationships with good people, my grades in school, and my health.
Many people have, unknowingly, helped me out with the 'starting over'. I hung out with one person who told me that I wasn't making a mistake. They told me that I wasn't being the bad guy (not in so many words). It is amazing how much better that made me feel, finally being told that I was doing th right thing after being told so many times that I was being a horrible person. A visit from an old friend made me realize, I have been surrounding myself with people not up to my old standards of friends. I had dropped some of my values and qualities and lost myself in a lower caliber. And a boy has made me feel so loved and wonderful that past heartaches and harsh words seem to be melting away (Sappy I know. I'll keep it to a minimum, but it is still true.)
I have good things and good people around me. And if I do not let go of other things, the good things will slip away from me.
So old things are being forgotten or chucked into the garbage. New things, things that improve me, are taking their places. And although there might not be as many good and new things on the mental shelves and in the new box, they are certainly better things and there is more room for the future.
Then there are the old constant things. People and memories who have survived the tests of time. The good things I already had, have always had, but couldn't see. Those things are precious.
Here is to the new crossroad I have come to in my life. To making a good decision, to letting things go, and for a change for the better.
Life is full of comings and partings. Some of these partings should have come a lot sooner. I'm glad I received this opportunity to finally be rid of them. The future is looking roomy and bright. Now onward!
In my head I also have a memory box. It is full of things people once said or did, my own mistakes, old emotions, and a lot of troubles. I have never been able to let go of these things, both tangible and intangible.
Over the years there have been 'cleaning out' periods. Times where I let one or two pieces of old paper flutter to the garbage can, or forgiven a mistake once made. These cleaning out times are small and many things are kept, unable to be parted with.
I find myself in another cleaning out period. This one is different though. It is not a trickle, it is a massive unloading.
The things I have been holding on to for years are weighting me down. Like the ghost of Robert Marely in A Christmas Carol is weighed down and dragged to hell by the chains of his actions. Some of the actions, thoughts, messages, feelings, and even people I have kept around are holding me back from being happy and successful. And I am cleaning them out.
Some if these cleansing actions have been: deleting people from my facebook account, throwing away things given to me, deleting numbers from my phone, and ending friendships face to face. It has been hard, very hard, to do. And it hurts to let most of it go, but if I am going to move on it hast to go. I can't hold on to everything. It is affecting my relationships with good people, my grades in school, and my health.
Many people have, unknowingly, helped me out with the 'starting over'. I hung out with one person who told me that I wasn't making a mistake. They told me that I wasn't being the bad guy (not in so many words). It is amazing how much better that made me feel, finally being told that I was doing th right thing after being told so many times that I was being a horrible person. A visit from an old friend made me realize, I have been surrounding myself with people not up to my old standards of friends. I had dropped some of my values and qualities and lost myself in a lower caliber. And a boy has made me feel so loved and wonderful that past heartaches and harsh words seem to be melting away (Sappy I know. I'll keep it to a minimum, but it is still true.)
I have good things and good people around me. And if I do not let go of other things, the good things will slip away from me.
So old things are being forgotten or chucked into the garbage. New things, things that improve me, are taking their places. And although there might not be as many good and new things on the mental shelves and in the new box, they are certainly better things and there is more room for the future.
Then there are the old constant things. People and memories who have survived the tests of time. The good things I already had, have always had, but couldn't see. Those things are precious.
Here is to the new crossroad I have come to in my life. To making a good decision, to letting things go, and for a change for the better.
Life is full of comings and partings. Some of these partings should have come a lot sooner. I'm glad I received this opportunity to finally be rid of them. The future is looking roomy and bright. Now onward!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
The Art of Laundry
I am a child of the modern age. And as such there are many things I have never had to do. I did not realize how much I did not know how to do.
I had always heard tell of the ancient techniques of drying things. I do remember a time when drying the dishes meant that you took a dish towel and wiped the water off. But one technique I have never had to use is the art of 'hanging things out to dry'. I have never seen a clothes line, I have only seen and held a clothes pin for bizarre art projects, and I never experienced joy in wind power. Those things have not changed.
What happened is, my roommate had left her clothes in the wash, and I really needed to do laundry. REALLY needed to do laundry. I put her clothes in the dryer for her and started it, knowing she was busy and wouldn't be home until very late. Then I put my clothes in the washer and started the cycle. There wasn't any problem with this part of the experience. It was when both machines were finished that the confusion began.
I waited for the clothes in both loads to finish, and then stood in front of the laundry room for awhile. I have been known to fold my roommates clothes and leave them on the dryer for them, but I didn't feel like being that nice. I also didn't feel mean or grumpy enough to just dump them on the table or dryer unfolded in a heap. So I got this brilliant idea to take the clothes I needed for the next day and just let them air dry. Turned out to be not the most brilliant idea.
The shirts were easy, I hung them on hangers and let them hang from my bed. It got more difficult for socks and under things. I used hangers for them too, often having to fold something in half over the hanger. Wet clothes hung from every where, and every thing in my room. I climbed into bed feeling confident at my solution to my clothes drying problem.
In the morning things went wrong.
The clothes left in folds on the hangers were still damp in places. And the wonderfully just laundered feeling and freshness I know, I found is a machine-made comfort, and a hideous lie in old movies. Towels do not dry soft and fluffy without a dryer. Shirts end up stiff and rough and I have never hated wearing socks more until I put on these stiff sleeves for my feet. My clothing was uncomfortable! I could hardly stand to wear them.
With a little wear they got a little better. But now I know that a dryer is one of the best inventions and is god-sent.
There was only one thing to do. I took the rest of my clothes off the hangers I had used to dry them, looked at the folds and wrinkles pressed in them, and took them back to the wash, giving them the proper pampering through the dryer that they and I both deserve.
What other modern convenience do we take for granted? And could we be happy and comfortable with out them?
Sounds like it is time for an experiment. What should I explore?
I had always heard tell of the ancient techniques of drying things. I do remember a time when drying the dishes meant that you took a dish towel and wiped the water off. But one technique I have never had to use is the art of 'hanging things out to dry'. I have never seen a clothes line, I have only seen and held a clothes pin for bizarre art projects, and I never experienced joy in wind power. Those things have not changed.
What happened is, my roommate had left her clothes in the wash, and I really needed to do laundry. REALLY needed to do laundry. I put her clothes in the dryer for her and started it, knowing she was busy and wouldn't be home until very late. Then I put my clothes in the washer and started the cycle. There wasn't any problem with this part of the experience. It was when both machines were finished that the confusion began.
I waited for the clothes in both loads to finish, and then stood in front of the laundry room for awhile. I have been known to fold my roommates clothes and leave them on the dryer for them, but I didn't feel like being that nice. I also didn't feel mean or grumpy enough to just dump them on the table or dryer unfolded in a heap. So I got this brilliant idea to take the clothes I needed for the next day and just let them air dry. Turned out to be not the most brilliant idea.
The shirts were easy, I hung them on hangers and let them hang from my bed. It got more difficult for socks and under things. I used hangers for them too, often having to fold something in half over the hanger. Wet clothes hung from every where, and every thing in my room. I climbed into bed feeling confident at my solution to my clothes drying problem.
In the morning things went wrong.
The clothes left in folds on the hangers were still damp in places. And the wonderfully just laundered feeling and freshness I know, I found is a machine-made comfort, and a hideous lie in old movies. Towels do not dry soft and fluffy without a dryer. Shirts end up stiff and rough and I have never hated wearing socks more until I put on these stiff sleeves for my feet. My clothing was uncomfortable! I could hardly stand to wear them.
With a little wear they got a little better. But now I know that a dryer is one of the best inventions and is god-sent.
There was only one thing to do. I took the rest of my clothes off the hangers I had used to dry them, looked at the folds and wrinkles pressed in them, and took them back to the wash, giving them the proper pampering through the dryer that they and I both deserve.
What other modern convenience do we take for granted? And could we be happy and comfortable with out them?
Sounds like it is time for an experiment. What should I explore?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Beatings, Harassment, and Headaches.
So, quite frankly, today has been one of those days. You know, the kind where you're only half awake, stressed, frazzled, and low on time.
My day started with a fist fight.
I woke up and took a shower at the ridiculous time in the morning of 6:00am. I had to get ready for class. Things were normal. I was tired. I get out of the shower, put on my bathrobe and return to my room, where I am frontally assaulted by a tall figure. That's right, I was attacked in my bedroom while I was nearly naked. But don't worry. I kicked butt...well...helium.
That's right my attacker was a balloon. Remember that sweet post I wrote about Valentine's Day and my dad buying my mom roses? And every year he gets me a balloon and chocolate? This year I got my balloon and it is still alive and floating. I have kept it in my room pinned to my clothes hamper, but this morning it got loose. The balloon suffered very little damage (Not sure how I feel about this. What does it say about my fighting? Or does it comment on balloon resistance?)and is now more firmly affixed to my bed at ceiling height to avoid further scares and conflicts.
But that is not all that happened today. Oh no! Next came my accidental harassment of a bum. I was walking home from school and my neighborhood is not high-brow, but it isn't the slums either. But on my brief journey home there are these two guys leaning against a wall. One smiles and stops me and utters a guttural string of undecipherable symbolic sounds. I didn't understand him so I asked him to repeat his question. He looks terribly confused at me, not expecting this and says (this is a phonetic spelling, please bare with me) "Doo ye-ah ave sooom chieanges?' Again I didn't understand him so I so articulately asked "What?" again. He looks at me, like I am the one who must be mentally slow and asked 'Do you have some change?' The whole thing was still very slurred but I finally understood what he was asking. I started laughing, probably looking like a total maniac. I quickly said 'no' and walked on, noting that the two bums were looking after me like I was an escaped mental patient.
And to cap this interesting and exhausting day, where I appear to be not all there in the head, I got a migraine that knocked me on my butt. When the world starts turning crazy stripped colors, you have no equilibrium, and whispers start to sound like screams, it is time to slow down. But I don't have the time to slow down. In fact, I still had a meeting to go to. So, after laying down in the dark for as long as possible I end up in my council meeting clutching a Coke full of caffeine as my life source. I don't think anything was harder than that loudly sung opening hymn sitting next to the most exuberant singer in the room.
Oh what a fun life this is. Crazy stuff. I hope it will be sometime before I have another day like this one.
My day started with a fist fight.
I woke up and took a shower at the ridiculous time in the morning of 6:00am. I had to get ready for class. Things were normal. I was tired. I get out of the shower, put on my bathrobe and return to my room, where I am frontally assaulted by a tall figure. That's right, I was attacked in my bedroom while I was nearly naked. But don't worry. I kicked butt...well...helium.
That's right my attacker was a balloon. Remember that sweet post I wrote about Valentine's Day and my dad buying my mom roses? And every year he gets me a balloon and chocolate? This year I got my balloon and it is still alive and floating. I have kept it in my room pinned to my clothes hamper, but this morning it got loose. The balloon suffered very little damage (Not sure how I feel about this. What does it say about my fighting? Or does it comment on balloon resistance?)and is now more firmly affixed to my bed at ceiling height to avoid further scares and conflicts.
But that is not all that happened today. Oh no! Next came my accidental harassment of a bum. I was walking home from school and my neighborhood is not high-brow, but it isn't the slums either. But on my brief journey home there are these two guys leaning against a wall. One smiles and stops me and utters a guttural string of undecipherable symbolic sounds. I didn't understand him so I asked him to repeat his question. He looks terribly confused at me, not expecting this and says (this is a phonetic spelling, please bare with me) "Doo ye-ah ave sooom chieanges?' Again I didn't understand him so I so articulately asked "What?" again. He looks at me, like I am the one who must be mentally slow and asked 'Do you have some change?' The whole thing was still very slurred but I finally understood what he was asking. I started laughing, probably looking like a total maniac. I quickly said 'no' and walked on, noting that the two bums were looking after me like I was an escaped mental patient.
And to cap this interesting and exhausting day, where I appear to be not all there in the head, I got a migraine that knocked me on my butt. When the world starts turning crazy stripped colors, you have no equilibrium, and whispers start to sound like screams, it is time to slow down. But I don't have the time to slow down. In fact, I still had a meeting to go to. So, after laying down in the dark for as long as possible I end up in my council meeting clutching a Coke full of caffeine as my life source. I don't think anything was harder than that loudly sung opening hymn sitting next to the most exuberant singer in the room.
Oh what a fun life this is. Crazy stuff. I hope it will be sometime before I have another day like this one.
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