Cleaning Up

Life has periods of getting rid of stuff. Honestly, I have never been good at these moments. I am a retainer. I hold on to things because I am afraid of forgetting them. I have what I call 'the memory box', which is a real lock box in my room that contains old movie and exhibit tickets, things I drew years ago, notes passed to a friend, and even an old ring given to me in the fourth grade.
In my head I also have a memory box. It is full of things people once said or did, my own mistakes, old emotions, and a lot of troubles. I have never been able to let go of these things, both tangible and intangible.
Over the years there have been 'cleaning out' periods. Times where I let one or two pieces of old paper flutter to the garbage can, or forgiven a mistake once made. These cleaning out times are small and many things are kept, unable to be parted with.
I find myself in another cleaning out period. This one is different though. It is not a trickle, it is a massive unloading.
The things I have been holding on to for years are weighting me down. Like the ghost of Robert Marely in A Christmas Carol is weighed down and dragged to hell by the chains of his actions. Some of the actions, thoughts, messages, feelings, and even people I have kept around are holding me back from being happy and successful. And I am cleaning them out.
Some if these cleansing actions have been: deleting people from my facebook account, throwing away things given to me, deleting numbers from my phone, and ending friendships face to face. It has been hard, very hard, to do. And it hurts to let most of it go, but if I am going to move on it hast to go. I can't hold on to everything. It is affecting my relationships with good people, my grades in school, and my health.
Many people have, unknowingly, helped me out with the 'starting over'. I hung out with one person who told me that I wasn't making a mistake. They told me that I wasn't being the bad guy (not in so many words). It is amazing how much better that made me feel, finally being told that I was doing th right thing after being told so many times that I was being a horrible person. A visit from an old friend made me realize, I have been surrounding myself with people not up to my old standards of friends. I had dropped some of my values and qualities and lost myself in a lower caliber. And a boy has made me feel so loved and wonderful that past heartaches and harsh words seem to be melting away (Sappy I know. I'll keep it to a minimum, but it is still true.)
I have good things and good people around me. And if I do not let go of other things, the good things will slip away from me.
So old things are being forgotten or chucked into the garbage. New things, things that improve me, are taking their places. And although there might not be as many good and new things on the mental shelves and in the new box, they are certainly better things and there is more room for the future.
Then there are the old constant things. People and memories who have survived the tests of time. The good things I already had, have always had, but couldn't see. Those things are precious.
Here is to the new crossroad I have come to in my life. To making a good decision, to letting things go, and for a change for the better.
Life is full of comings and partings. Some of these partings should have come a lot sooner. I'm glad I received this opportunity to finally be rid of them. The future is looking roomy and bright. Now onward!